Google Death-Drones to Murder Rhino Poachers From the Skies! Wait.


First, I saw the headline.

Google-Funded Drones To Hunt Rhino Poachers

Badass! Now this is what technology is for! Look out, rhino-killers! Time to taste electronic death from above!

Then I read the actual article.

First things first: No, the World Wildlife Fund (WWF) is not using drones to vaporize poachers.

Son of a bitch!

But thanks to a five million dollar grant awarded by Google on Tuesday, the organization is expanding its use of unmanned aerial vehicles to track and deter criminals who illegally hunt endangered animal species around the world.

WWF spokesman Lee Poston is not calling these vehicles drones, because he doesn’t want people to confuse them with the military kind.

Hmm. Tell me more, technology-savvy animal rights activist.

These drones are light enough to be launched by hand and can be programmed to fly about 18 miles at a maximum elevation of 650 feet, for almost an hour. The cameras on the drones allow rangers on the ground to spot would-be poachers, especially in hard-to-reach places.

And then it hit me. If Google isn’t using these harmless, camera-equipped flying machines to destroy those who would perpetrate rhinocide, then what motive could they possibly have?

Twofold answer.

1) Take panoramic aerial images for use in the upcoming maps product Google Jungle View, and

2) Keep tabs on the activities of both rhinoceros and poachers in order to better target them for ads.

Well played, Sergey and and Larry. Well played.

4 thoughts on “Google Death-Drones to Murder Rhino Poachers From the Skies! Wait.”

  1. I think it’d be more effective to “rediscover the ancient mystical secret” that eating both kidneys of a wildlife poacher cures impotence, personally.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s