Near-Earth Object

a weblog by Paul Fidalgo

Call Her an Asshole

Friend of the blog, and our whole little family, really, Meg Rhem, has advice for fathers of daughters (and I have a baby daughter).

Dads, here’s a big one: do not ever, under any circumstance, refer to a woman as a whore or a slut. These words are violent, they are hateful, and their only function is to undermine female agency, to diminish women as a whole. Think of them the same way you think of the “n” word. They are not good words. . . .

Respect your daughters, respect your sons. And don’t call that lady who cut you off in traffic a dumb whore. Give her the respect she’s due: call her an asshole.

I’m so down with this. And if there’s anyone who needs diminishing, it’s my three-year-old son. That kid’s a freaking tsunami of toddler. I never refer to women as whores or anything like that anyway, though my wife says I swear too much around the kids. But even little ones need to know who is and isn’t an asshole. What else is parenting for?

January 7, 2013

blog

parenting

Published by

Paul Fidalgo

Responses

Gretchen

January 8, 2013 at 3:17 am

Nobody asked you, Oliver.

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1. rocko2466
  
  January 8, 2013 at 12:52 am
  
  Yeah, Oliver!(Who’s Oliver?)
  
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  1. Gretchen
    
    January 8, 2013 at 1:33 pm
    
    Olvercrangle (sp?), the banned-in-many-places-on-FTB guy who took it upon himself to reply to this with a lecture to mothers. I guess Paul removed it.
    
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  2. Paul Fidalgo
    
    January 8, 2013 at 2:39 pm
    
    Correct.
    
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Marcus Ranum

January 8, 2013 at 5:00 am

I call people who cut me off in traffic, “dangerous driver” – should I be upgrading my arsenal of invective?

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1. Paul Fidalgo
  
  January 8, 2013 at 5:04 am
  
  No. I think that cold assessment really hurts. Keep it up.
  
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F [disappearing]

January 8, 2013 at 5:03 am

Yeah, no. I always knew there was something wrong with that, even when I first started learning to swear. I didn’t grok it at all.

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Nepenthe

January 8, 2013 at 5:10 am

My best friend growing up thought “Buddy” was a curse word because that’s what her dad called the people who cut him off in traffic.

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1. HM
  
  January 8, 2013 at 6:16 am
  
  My dad something similar, but in Punjabi. Called cops the same name as what I’d call my mom’s brothers (convoluted, I know). A respectful name turned into an insult and I didn’t realize till my late teens.
  
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  1. rocko2466
    
    January 8, 2013 at 12:53 am
    
    Uncle? They call everyone uncle in India.
    
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Giliell, professional cynic

January 8, 2013 at 10:55 am

I used to curse like a “Bierkutscher” while driving before my kids were born. I radically stopped once I noticed that somebody was listening.Currently I get treated to the “using the word “asshole” as often as possible without actually sayig it”-routine as in “you’Re not an asshole, mum, asshole is a bad word, we mustn’t say asshole”. Actually in meatpace I make a big distinction between calling names and cursing. I guess some day I’ll be ordered to see the principal because my kid voices a loud “fuck”.

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A Hermit

January 8, 2013 at 2:40 pm

I wish my kids would watch their fucking language. I don’t know where they pick that shit up.

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=8)-DX

January 8, 2013 at 4:29 pm

I go with “idiot” or “moron”. Driving dangerously is showing a lack of intelligence.
I sometimes use “goat”, although I also use that as a term of endearment. “Cow” is unacceptable.
… In my second language “backside” is also used endearingly in certain forms, so I sometimes call my daughter an asshole as a compliment (“prdelka”) =)

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left0ver1under

January 8, 2013 at 5:28 pm

Criticizing and pointing out stupidity is always fair game.
Exposing the idiocy of others and embarrasing them is far more effective than any insult.

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Anthony K

January 8, 2013 at 5:41 pm

My father was big on the sexist, racist comments about other drivers. He was the very model of road rage.
I typically don’t swear at other drivers. The worst I typically do is sarcastically mock them to myself: “Oh, go right ahead, cut into my lane without signalling. No problem at all.”
I wonder what effect that might have on my potential future kids: “Dad says it’s okay to cut people off. ” *Swerves*

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