This is an extremely short “play” I wrote in 1999. I recently rediscovered it in a folder of old projects, and it made me laugh. On the inside, because I don’t laugh out loud all that often.
Here it is, with a few tiny things cleaned up after a fresh reading, as I originally wrote it 18 years ago. Oh, if you don’t know, this is what a Dreamcast is/was. Enjoy.
I Am Dreamcast
A play by Paul Fidalgo
Blockbuster Video store, 1999.
PAUL, an employee, early 20s, and JUAN, the manager, late 20s, are behind the counter, working on scanning in VHS videotapes which are stacked up in various piles, or prepping new releases or some nonsense like that, putting tapes into cases and whatnot. We see them from behind the counter, which is upstage of them.
JUAN stops suddenly, straightens up, and says…
JUAN: I am Dreamcast.
PAUL: You are?
JUAN: I am Dreamcast.
PAUL: Really.
JUAN: You…
PAUL: Yes?
JUAN: You can play Crazy Taxi on me!
PAUL: My god.
JUAN: I am-
PAUL: Dreamcast.
JUAN: Yes, Dreamcast.
AMY, another employee, 20s, enters.
AMY: What’s with Juan?
PAUL: He thinks he’s a Sega Dreamcast.
AMY: What?
JUAN: I am Dreamcast.
PAUL: See?
AMY: Why?
PAUL: I don’t know. Maybe too much exposure to all these games.
JUAN: I have a 128-bit graphics processor.
PAUL: Yeah, you see what’s funny about that is that I don’t think he would actually know that.
AMY: Wow.
JUAN: I am normally retailed at $199.99.
PAUL: This is kind of cool.
JUAN: I am Dreamcast.
AMY: He’s just fooling.
PAUL: I don’t think so.
JUAN: Grrrrr!
PAUL: What?
JUAN: Grrrrr!
AMY: He’s growling.
PAUL: Why would the Dreamcast growl? I never thought of it as, you know, scary.
AMY: Well…
JUAN: Dreamcast!
AMY: Ssh! This is why I think he’s kidding.
PAUL: No, I think Juan believes the Dreamcast is a monster, that he is a monster.
JUAN: I am Dreamcast!
Enter CUSTOMER, approaches counter
CUSTOMER: Excuse me.
JUAN: I am Dreamcast.
CUSTOMER: What?
PAUL: Nothing.
AMY: Can I help you with something?
CUSTOMER: My kid wants this video game, um, Tony Hawk?
AMY: For which system?
JUAN: Dreamcast!
CUSTOMER: Um, no, the Nintendo one. N64.
PAUL: Yeah, Juan, Tony Hawk isn’t on the Dreamcast yet.
AMY: (To CUSTOMER) Let me see if we have it. (Types on computer.)
JUAN: Um.
PAUL: Yeah?
JUAN: Um.
AMY: Yes?
JUAN: Grrrr!
CUSTOMER: A monster! Run!
End
Near-Earth Object 